My Dark Time

Its been almost 2 months since i had the break-up,
of the closest thing i had as a relationship.
I have to confess.. I had PTSD.
or I still have it, idk.
Ive been having it since that shit in the last year of middle school.
It was so traumatic, Ive been curving boys since then.
I have never dated, I have never in a relationship.
Before I dont know why, why havent I been in relationship.
Boys approached me, but I curved them.
I always had this cautiousness.. like why was he attracted to me?
I was always questioning their intentions.
I have never let my guard down.
Then on April 2017, I met this boy.
I was not looking for a boyfriend, or any relationship.
But he was there unexpectedly.. and was so consistent.
I liked that consistency.
I was taking it cool. I expected nothing.
As despite his few features, his look was actually not my type.
But he was consistent.
I dont exactly know, or remember how could we end up being so close.
He kept calling me with nicknames, I asked him to stop.
I said not to call me that if he called that to any other girls as well..
But he said he was never did that. Only few times just to play along.
Do you think he said the truth? Because now hes gone I started to question it.